Valentine's Day? What? Again?

Feb 14^th, 2021 – Valentine’s Day

I am a sentimental old fool, who always gets weepy at two special days each yar: Valentine’s and Christmas.

Both days bring me blessings, to be alive and healthy, but also sadness that I do not have that special someone to share the moments with. Kids do not count; they have their own special moments and special someone. Which I am grateful that they are all well, warm, healthy, and blessed to have found someone.

Do you sometimes feel that you missed out on life because you have kept yourself from really opening up? Maybe you’ve felt that life just passed you by and you’ve accomplished nothing worthwhile.  

It is these two special days that get to me. So today I’m feeling that I have accomplished nothing, made nothing of myself, and here I am feeling sorry for myself once again!

I did accomplish two things in my life: raised two beautiful, and accomplished children, who in turn have given me 5 beautiful grandchildren. So, one could say that my life, even though lonely, has been blessed. And for that I thank the good Lord for such blessings!

So, as I sit here today on Valentine’s Day to reflect once again my loneliness, I feel that it’s time to decide what I want to be when I grow up! Ah geez, guess it’s too late for that! Well, perhaps I can decide what I want to do with myself for the next 20 or so years.

There have been three craft ventures I’ve tried during the past 50+ years. Once long, long, long ago I thought, since I love to read, that I would write a romance novel. Okay, I know what you’re thinking: what makes her think she can write about love, when she can’t even find her own special someone?

Well, it started at a time when my daughter was 18 months old. And yes, I was married and thought we were happy. But that’s a story for another time. Back to where it all began. I was going to visit my aunt Martha in Beaumont, Texas. We rode the bus and while on the bus, I met a young lady who had just published her first novel. We got to talking about writing and through her enthusiasm when I returned home, I wanted to write my own romance novel.

Not as easy as she made it sound. But, I did write the first draft, thought it was plausible and sent it off to a publisher. Oh yes, and in my small hometown a group of ladies got together, had a party sort of to help pay to send my book off to the publisher. They believed in me and wanted to wish me the best of luck. Sorry, ladies, I let you all down!

Unfortunately, not everyone gets published their first time out of the pen! Anyway, I didn’t give up at the time. I took the first draft, rewrote it and off it went again! And again, yep, it got rejected. So, it went in a closet, oh for about 10 years or so!

One day, out it came, you see, sometimes an unfinished project just eats away at you and well, you got to give it another try. So, I re-read what I’d written, and decided to change the trajectory of the story. And boy did it go a different route! That change caused another re-write, almost from scratch. However, I was determined to keep the main characters, I’d already fallen in love with them you see, so that never changed. Again, I tried to find a publisher, but being unpublished, with no credits to my name, well, it was daunting. And again unsuccessful. I tried finding an agent, and I soon learned that was almost as hard as finding a publisher. Or could be the story and writing just sucked!

Out of frustration, and convinced that I liked my story, I decided to self-publish. So that’s what I did. If you are interested, you can still buy my book, Secret Sins by Deborah Lynn, which does have mistakes in it, and it’s not perfect, but maybe you might find it half-way interesting or something. If interested, you can still purchase it from the following web site & link:

https://www.authorhouse.com/en/search?query=secret+sins+by+Deborah+Lynn

It’s a lot cheaper from Author House than Amazon. I would love to hear some comments about the book and story line. After I finished it to my liking, mistakes, and all, it turned out to be a trilogy. However, as I normally do, I put the second book aside, due to interruptions of life, and it’s packed away in a box in a storage unit where most of my things are resting at this time.

Part of the 2^nd book is posted in a blog I started almost 10 years ago. That will tell you how long I’ve sat on finishing my book! Anyway, if you’d like to get a glimpse of what the 2^nd book is about, please go to: 

deborah-riddle.blogspot.com (create your own style) and since I’m contemplating my life again and what I should do with it, I’d really love to have some comments on the story. If it’s even worth putting the effort into finishing it! Or ditch it and move on to the next project. Whatever that may be. There will be mistakes in the writing and you can let me know what and where they are. Constructive criticism is appreciated!

So, as I was saying earlier in this narrative, I’m trying to decide what to do and how to get out of my funk around special days. Hallmark doesn’t help! Although I love the movies, it just hits home how much time I’ve wasted on someone that was not worth the time or expense. And now I’m too old, too fat again, and just don’t have what it takes to find that special person!

Well, back to my projects. #1 was writing. Now let’s go into #2, jewelry making. Now that was fun. I enjoyed making jewelry and taking them to craft fairs to sell. But, again, things happened, and I had to move, yet again, and now well, that’s been put in a box in storage somewhere in New Mexico. Besides my eyes have a hard time seeing the little holes in the beads, even with a magnifier, to start making pieces again. And with COVID, well the craft fairs are out for a while. So, that’s collecting dust.

Let’s move on to #3, candle making. That I started up about two years ago, well, going on three now. Did a couple of craft fairs and sold candles to people from work. Candle making, I really liked. It was fun and easy to learn, although I’m impatient and I found myself trying to hurry up the cooling off period!

Then, life interrupted again, and once more I had to move. I brought as much as my car would hold in two trips, packed, and stored everything else and ended up where I am today. And wouldn’t you know, I didn’t bring all my candle making equipment! And I simply refuse to go and buy everything I need a second time! It seems that every time I move, I fail to bring something that is needed and go out and buy the item again. Eventually, I’ll have my stuff moved from New Mexico to Texas and I’ll have double of everything! Nope, not gonna happen. So, my 3^rd craft project, will have to wait.

Let’s come back again to the 1^st project. I’m thinking I like the idea of trying to write again, so I would love for anyone to read what I’ve written on the blog Create Your Own Style and let me know if it’s worth the time and effort to continue developing that 2^nd book. Frankly, I haven’t looked at or read that blog since 2011, so I’m not even sure how the story will read. It might be awful! Be brave, go to that blog and read Family Sins, the sequel to Secret Sins. If you think it’s worth the time to develop, let me know. Then maybe I will finish it and the 3^rd one, oh gosh, it’s been so long I’ve forgot the name of the 3^rd book! Well, never fear it’s written down somewhere! Shoot, it’s in New Mexico too!

I believe I’ve rambled and ranted long enough. Hope everyone stays safe, most of all healthy! I love you all and I hope this Valentine’s Day brings lots of chocolate!